Posts Tagged “Truth”

Question by Gwen: How do I become more assertive in bed with my partner?
I am a very feminine 27 year old lesbian. In my past relationships I have always been the more “submissive” one, so to say. I recently started dating a woman who is most definitely more aggressive in life (and somewhat butch as well) but she is very submissive in bed, and I am struggling to find a balance. I’m really into her, and want our relationship to continue to grow, so I need some advice on how to be more assertive in bed!

Best answer:

Answer by The Truth Hurts
Maybe you should start to be more “submissive” first. Like you make the first moe. Tell her to relax an enjoy the ride!

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Question by LEO ღ: How to learn to take criticism and accept blunt truth?
What are some techniques to accept criticism and not get too hurt/affected/annoyed by it?

Best answer:

Answer by Sari E
simply let whatever people you don’t care about same roll over you. They’re not worth it. If someone you love/care about says something, you have to know that what they’re saying is only to help you, and try to improve.

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Question by Jay: How do you avoid getting angry when people insult you?
Do you have any tips for keeping your cool and not getting frustrated? I try to just ignore it when people insult me or make fun of me, but on days when I am very irritable it’s difficult. I notice almost everyone will get angry when insulted and they all have different ways of dealing with it.

I guess I am just looking to avoid retaliating with counter insults or trash talk. I just don’t like getting in fights with people. Even if they are the idiot who started it.

Best answer:

Answer by T. Ruth
Consider the insult.
Is there truth in it? Then use it positively to correct the shortcomings.
If there is no truth in it, then realize it for the stupidity that it is and have a good laugh!

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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Building Relationships When You Are In A Hostile Working Environment

Do you love your job looking forward to getting to work every day so that you can feel productive and appreciated? Or, do you feel that your job is a place you have to go and you dont feel that you can show your true strengths, not to mention ever feel appreciated?

Many people are simply going to work in order to get a paycheck it would be wonderful if your job was a great place to be, but the truth is, for many people, it isnt a place where they feel valued or where they can look forward to going. Sometimes, if you are lucky, you will have a few people at your job that you enjoy being around, and who you can build relationships with, but most likely, your boss isnt one of those people.

Sometimes, even though it may be the hardest thing you have ever done (you would rather watch your boss fall off a 30 story building) you might have to take the steps towards building some kind of relationship that will help you to deal with your job easier. Find ways to relate to them, maybe even find a common bond. Ask them about their families, their hobbies – even what they feel is in store for your company or what they like about working with them. Showing a genuine interest in what they are doing, and in things that are happening in their lives, will help them to possibly see you on more level ground.

If you are able to show some interest in your bosss life, you might be surprised how they end up reacting. Everyone wants to feel that people are interested in their lives, and your boss is no different. And, it is worth a try in order to make your job more tolerable, and it might even get your boss to get off your back if they seem intent on harassing you.

Of course, that isnt always going to work, so you still need to research and understand your legal rights, especially if it has got to the point that you are working in a hostile workplace environment. When it has got to the point that no matter what you do or say, your boss will never show you the respect that an employee deserves from their boss, then obviously no amount of relationship building will work. Some people just feel that they are above others, and they enjoy making others feel inferior.

In most cases, this will have nothing to do with you, so dont take it personally. But, be prepared to know your rights when it crosses the line into, what you believe, is workplace harassment. Every employee has rights that they need to understand, especially if they feel their jobs are in jeopardy. No one needs to suffer through that and you wont be doing yourself any favors by allowing it to continue.

Emilee has worked in a hostile workplace environment, and feels that it is very important for everyone to have effective coping strategies – and to understand their legal rights. She offers a review of a guide that outlines employee rights, and regulations which are in place to protect them, which you can read by going to

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Constructive Criticism – How to Give and Receive It

We all dream of success in life but unfortunately not everyone can succeed. This is a saying… “Only the fittest will survive”. Well, this saying was not just thrown up without a reason. There is a reason behind this statement. But perhaps you are asking… who is the “fittest”?

Well, we all know that life always tosses up a few challenges for all of us every now and then. It doesn’t matter what you do, you are going to face many challenges in life. Only those who have the courage to face and break through the challenges will come out as a victor. That is why there is a term like… Only the fittest will survive.

You will receive countless criticisms along the way; some good some bad. What you have to understand about criticisms is that, despite the harshness of words, they were spoken in truth and so it is up to you how to digest it.

Successful people are able to take criticisms and transform them into advantages for them. It is not going to be easy to face the wrath of criticism from others, but if you can take them in your strides, you would become a better each time when you swallow a criticism and devour its full essence.

Different people take criticisms differently. Some grow even stronger with criticisms while others just fall flat. If you want to survive, learn how to take criticisms lightly, no matter how harsh they are. If you are able to do that, you are actually going to benefit from them.

Of course, learning how to accept criticisms lightly is crucial to your success, however, on the other hand, you must also learn how to give constructive criticism.

How to Give Constructive Criticism?

Constructive criticisms should be utilized to transform you; but there are some guidelines that critics should consider before voicing out their own opinions. Follow the following guidelines when giving criticism to others:

1. Do not criticize the person as a person, focus on criticizing hir or her behaviour instead.

2. Focus your criticism on the present situation. Don’t bring up the past. Let bygone be bygone and focus on making thing better for the future.

3. Before throwing out your punches or criticisms, try to understand first why you are offering such criticism. What are your bases?

4. Before speaking, take a quick role reversal in your head and deal with the criticism as if you are the one receiving it.

5. Always remember that while you give criticism, you must be prepared to receive it too. If you can’t, then you should not criticize others!

6. Before you give criticism, always throw up a few positive aspects of the person first, this can really help take away some of the bitterness.

7. Use the word “I”, to emphasize to the person that it is your own opinion.

8. Encourage a two-way dialogue. Don’t just firing out all your criticisms at once, ask questions and encourage them to share with you their feelings and opinions. This is the secret to giving constructive criticisms.

If you follow the above guidelines when criticizing others, people will sense that you are actually giving them positive feedbacks and they will appreciate it because they know that you want them to be better.

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It’s Been Years Since I Found Out My Husband Cheated On Me. Why Am I Still So Angry?

I sometimes hear from wives who tell me that they had hoped that they would “be over” their husband’s affair by now. I often hear things like: “it’s been years since his affair and I’m still angry and hurt. I still can’t let it go. What’s wrong with me? Will I ever be able to move past this?”

These frustrations are very common. Wives often get caught up in a cycle where they want and even expect to feel better or to “get over it” but, for whatever reason, they just can’t. However, being stuck right now doesn’t automatically give you a life sentence of more of the same. You certainly deserve better. There are some ways that wives are able to move on. Often, this means figuring out exactly why you are stuck and then addressing those causes very directly. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Worrying That Your Husband Isn’t Really Sorry About The Affair Is A Common Reason For Being Stuck: As I said, I often see common themes or issues in wives who haven’t been able to move on. One very common one is feeling like your husband just isn’t remorseful or sorry enough for the affair. I often hear wives say things like: “Sure, he’s sorry that I caught him having the affair, but there’s no remorse for what he did. It’s almost as if he blames me and thinks that he was somewhat justified in his actions.”

However, I have to tell you that many times, if you talk to the husband on the other side of this equation, you will get a completely different representation of the truth. The husbands will often say things like: “Yes, of course I’m sorry about having an affair. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. And, how many times can one person apologize or say they are sorry? How many other ways are there to show your remorse? Am I going to say I’m sorry for the rest of my life because it gets old having to repeat yourself over and over when she doesn’t believe a word that I say anymore anyway.”

Obviously, the husband and wife have to meet somewhere in the middle so that both people feel that they are being heard. Sometimes, the two people have been dancing around this issue for so long that it’s become almost off limits because there is so much anger and resentment surrounding it. However, sometimes you have to face it very directly for it to finally go away.

Sometimes, you will have to directly spell things out for your husband to ensure that you get what you need. Sure, this isn’t always easy. But at least you are getting what you need so you can move on. The short lived awkwardness is much better than continuing to live this way.

Many Wives Who Are Still Angry About The Affair Years Later Feel Resentment That There Was No Repercussions For The Husband’s Affair: I often hear wives say things like: “So, he basically is allowed to say that he’s sorry for breaking his wedding vows and I’m just supposed to move on as though nothing ever happened.

My choice is to get a divorce (which I don’t want) or to just pretend like everything is fine when it isn’t. He gets to cheat on me and his life doesn’t really change. But, I now have to live with this for a long time to come. How is this even remotely fair?” If I were the one who had an affair, he most definitely would not forgive me, but when the roles are reversed, I have to forgive him.”

But, if you asked the husband about this, he would likely say something like: “She thinks that I haven’t paid for what I’ve done, but believe me, I pay for it everyday. I have to look into her eyes and see disappointment and pain. That’s a life sentence. Everyday, I can see how much I’ve disappointed and hurt her. Everyday, I wake up knowing that she’s going to look at me with loathing. And everyday, I know that there is nothing that I can do about it because I deserve it.”

This is a difficult situation on so many levels because the wife is absolutely justified in being angry. However, if these feelings go on for so long that they don’t allow any real healing to take place, then both people continue to pay dearly. At some point, this needs to come to a resolution so that both people don’t continue to experience pain with no real end in sight.

Many times, the wife feels it’s only fair for the husband to pay for what he did. And, I can certainly see this side of the argument. But usually, what the wife doesn’t see is that continuing to dwell on the negative hurts her as well and keeps her from moving on to a more healthy place where she could finally be at peace.

Sometimes, When People Are Still Angry About An Affair, It’s Because No Positive Change Has Been Made: Many times, when I ask the wives in this situation how much or what sort of progress has been made, they will tell me that nothing has really changed. It’s as if they are just supposed to wake up one day and no longer be angry even though no improvements or changes have come to pass. This can be too much to ask and many wives find this to be an impossible situation.

It’s often necessary to make husbands understand that if they can work with their wives to create a new and better marriage, then everyone is going to benefit from that. Yes, it’s going to take a lot of work. Yes, it’s going to require for both people to change the way that they have been doing things. Yes, it might be uncomfortable in the beginning. But, it’s usually the only way to ensure that both parties aren’t continuously looking back or living with the pain of the past.

Because honestly, the best way to let go of the pain and anger of an affair is to craft a happy future where there really is no need to look back. If both people can get to this place, the anger usually will naturally just start to abate.

There was a time when I thought I would never get over my husband’s affair, but this is in the past. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, my marriage eventually recovered and became stronger. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at

Katie Lersch writes articles about moving past an affair.  Her corresponding blog is at

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Question by guesswhoohme: How do you make criticism constructive criticism if you take it personally?
I got some criticism the other day that should be taken as constructive criticism but I took it very personally and now I feel bad about it. I don’t know how to make it not feel so bad.

Best answer:

Answer by Diana B
The truth is that no one wants to hear anything negative about themselves even if it is constructive criticism. We like to think of ourselves as flawless although we know this is not true. It is also worth noting that you may have received constructive criticism but perhaps the person giving that criticism said it in a way that made you take it personally due to his or her tone. That is possible. There is no need to automatically assume that you were the one being overly sensitive.

As for feeling better, just take this person’s criticism as more of a suggestion than an actual criticism. You can take this person’s suggestion or not. That is all up to you.
good luck and feel better.

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