Posts Tagged “Feelings”

Question by : How can i become Emotionally detached from my feelings of Anger,Pain, suffering, and rage ?
My emotions have sometimes gotten the best of me, theres times where if i mess up with a girl or i could have smashed a girl, i feel alot of Pain,Anger, and suffering, then it turns to rage cause i ont know how to become emotionally detached from my feelings, how can i develop the muscluar ability to exert self-control and become emotionally detached from my Emotions ?

Best answer:

Answer by Sivasubramanyam Yuddandi
Emotional involvement is life. never try to get detached, get merged and understand the emotional brain, them control mind. body has got nothing to do.

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Question by bethk_rocks: What is the best way to be assertive in the workplace without coming off like a bi%*h?
I have to grow a pair or I am going to be walked all over very soon at my job. Two new people are being hired into my department that do similar tasks as I do and if I don’t become the “bowl in a china shop” type personality fast, I will be the one doing all the crap work. Any tips on how to be assertive tactfully? I need help bad, I am such a push-over girl!

Best answer:

Answer by Montana
I think you probably mean “Bull in a china shop”. That being said you might want to try some of these techniques:

Don’t Make Demands
Being assertive doesn’t mean you will always get your way. You must still make reasonable requests and expect that sometimes you’ll get exactly what you want and sometimes you won’t. Being a professional is all about compromise.
You must be willing to negotiate. Unless you are the top boss, making demands won’t get you very far.

Address Issues Directly
If you have a problem with someone or something, don’t beat around the bush. Don’t gossip with others, complain to co-workers or write mean things on your blog. Confront the situation head on by speaking with the people directly involved

Project Confidence
It is much easier to take advantage of someone who seems meek and submissive than someone who appears poised and self-confident. Don’t allow yourself to be intimidated by those in authority. Maintain a self-assured image even when in doubt. Always be professional but stand your ground. Set appropriate limits and learn how to say “no” when necessary.

Control Emotions
Don’t let frustration or anger get the better of you. In a professional environment, being emotional is a sign of weakness. If you’re feeling stressed, take a few minutes in private to breathe deep and re-focus yourself. Be cautious of sharing your feelings with co-workers as it may come back and bite you in the future.

Remember Your Value
It’s much easier to be assertive when you remember that you are a valuable member of the organization you work for. Your presence and contribution are important. They didn’t hire you to blend into the background. Let your voice be heard, show your personality and be strong. Don’t be afraid of being assertive. It is definitely possible to do it without upsetting others or looking aggressive. If done in the correct way, being assertive will help you build a powerful reputation in any business.

I wish you the very best of luck. You can do it.

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Question by oceanic_enigma: Why do I feel hostility towards my old friends?
I recently graduated high school and I’ve been wanting to make new friends because a lot of my friends from high school have kids can’t go out and have fun. Here lately, I’ve gotten an attitude where I don’t even want to talk to them anymore. I’ve become really snobbish. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I feel like I’m better than them.

Has anyone ever felt this way?
And why do you think I’m being so stuck up towards my old friends?

Best answer:

Answer by J the Funky Homosapien
(One question: why do friends just out of high school have kids?)

We can’t actually tell you how you feel and why you feel that way, but if you feel resentment toward your friends because they can’t have fun with you anymore, it could be a defence mechanism against the feeling of being replaced. If you feel (felt) nostalgic about the past, your hostility could be a result of wanting to avoid the wistful feelings of wanting things to go back to the way things were. Naturally, you have to avoid them as well.

Or not.

I really couldn’t tell you.

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by d_run

To Discipline An Angry Boy Or Girl Thoughtfully And Without Punishment

Learning to discipline an angry boy or girl is tough enough as is. If I suggest trying this without punishment you may be thinking I am asking a miracle of you. Bare with me here for just a second.

All children angry or otherwise respond much better to positive firm discipline. They feel more compelled to comply when they feel as if it is in their best interest.

Parenting even under the best of circumstances can be a heavy challenge.  There will always come times when discipline is necessary, in order to teach children what is appropriate and what is not appropriate behavior. If you are the parent of an aggressive boy, then learning how to properly discipline your angry boy is vital to help him learn about how to handle his anger. An angry boy is very different from girls, as they tend to express themselves in a much more physical nature.

This is not to say, that their are not problems with girls and their anger because there are similar problems. It is a little more rare, though. It is just that there is also a very big difference between boys and girls when it comes to parenting. That being said, this article will focus on the male gender and their issues with anger and how to discipline them, Properly, Positively, and with effective results.

Before we can learn how best to handle any given situation, there needs to be a clear perspective on discipline. What it means, how is works and the best ways to utilize it.

The True goal and purpose of Discipline is to ‘guide’ or to teach, not to punish.

Discipline can be defined as the art or practice of instilling a set of values in our children that teaches them what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. It teaches them the value of other peoples feelings and the benefit of controlling impulses in order to cooperate well with others.


Punishment is a very small part of discipline and under no circumstance is hitting, spanking or slapping necessary. It does not work, sends the wrong message, and is more an indication that you are out of control. It is a must, that whenever you discipline any child, you have waited until you are calm and objective.

Many parents think it is okay to discipline boys more harshly than girls. This is simply not true and has become a really bad, longstanding practice of old school tradition. The whole, “Spare the rod, Spoil the child” mentality does nothing but create more apathy and justifies violence in the mind of all people, including children. Most children(especially boys), would welcome a spanking over any other kind of punishment. After all, it is over with rather quickly and requires no reflection of their actions. While grounding or taking away the video games absolutely will make them think about what it is they have done.

Many parents often confuse discipline with punishment due to the way they were raised. Also, most of society has held this view for a long time. Discipline, as the methods we employ in order to guide and teach our children with rules of conduct. Punishments are the actions we take when those rules are broken.

Positive discipline is thoughtful as well as a lot more of a challenge. It also works much better than simply dishing out punishments when ever your child acts out of hand and above all it works. However, if you put more thought behind discipline and become creative and positive with your punishments, it will continually get easier and easier. Children need more positive reinforcement and guidance especiall angry children.

The thought that perhaps, that child is a ‘bad person’ by nature, is a natural fear. However, you will be glad to learn that this is far from true. In fact, an angry boy is more than likely, more in touch with his feelings and just does not know how to express them in a positive way. Many parents may have concerns about how strongly their child expresses anger. I would be much more concerned if your child expresses little or no emotion at all.

There are ways of learning how to deal with and properly discipline your angry boy and one of the more important concerns is to identify why he is so angry. But before any of that can be established your authority and the rules of discipline must be made very clear. Keep things simple so that the child understands what is going on. Explain to him that you and him are actively searching for a way to resolve his anger issues. This helps him to feel more a part of the process. This will motivate him to try harder to understand his emotions and instils ‘the want,’ to learn to control them.

One of the most important things you can do as a parent of a child with behavioral problems is to know & provide the best solutions available. From misbehavior to Great Behavior is the best information to help in learning how to properly identify the reasons behind the Behaviors Children demonstrate and can tame difficult kids.

Parenting solutions that really are cutting edge gets excellent feedback. Learn how To Discipline Your Angry Boy Properly, Positively and help him to start living more positive. Increase his happiness and yours.

One of the most important things you can do as a parent of a child with behavioral problems is to know & provide the best solutions available. From misbehavior to Great Behavior is the best, most current information available to help you in learning how to properly identify the reasons behind the Behaviors Children demonstrate and can tame difficult kids.

Parenting solutions that really are cutting edge gets excellent feedback. It is vital to your relationship with your children that you learn how to Discipline Your Angry Boy (or girl) and help him to start living more positive. Increase his happiness and yours through positive behavior.

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Question by : What are good ways to get rid of anger and let go feelings of regret ?
I really need some help here, I need some ways to release stress and anger in a good way , I want to know some of your ways to get over things .

Best answer:

Answer by Malina
He has helped me more than anything or anyone.
Watch several.

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Useufl Information On Anger Management Books

With anger management being  made use of in many programs and situations, there are thousands of resources available to those affected. Beside support groups, individual counseling sessions and treatment centers, there are many anger management books available to help people  confront anger-related issues.

There are anger management books written focusing on different groups like children, teenagers, adults, men, women, couples, families and anyone who is involved in situations which may  demand anger management advice. Because of the diverse needs, these anger management books are written to be understood by the different groups as well as used as tools to control anger and work through different situations.

Anger management books for children focus on a child’s reactions to feelings of anger. Using illustrations and stories which  youngsters can relate to, these books are written in such a way that  youngsters can relate and hopefully learn from. There are also anger management books for children, meant to be  made use of by people working through behavioral  crises with  youngsters. These books include  guidelines and strategies for  taking care of  youngsters who are experiencing  crises caused by feelings of anger. Using these books, programs and effective treatments can be developed for anger management in children.


Teenagers  confront unique situations, encounters that only a teen might understand. Anger management for teens would be focused on  taking care of anger-related issues surrounding teens. Offering advice and lesson plans, these anger management books for teens may provide answers to a young person’s questions regarding  taking care of feelings of anger.

Adults with anger problems are different from  youngsters and teens. Adults face daily challenges which  youngsters don’t understand, situations which unleash all sorts of emotions including anger. When the anger creates  crises at home, at work or among friends, they might benefit from reading anger management books for adults. Couples might be able to find help in anger management books for adults as well.

When a family is affected by anger, the situation can become much more intense and complicated. Since it involves so many people, different relationships and all sorts of feelings and emotions, a family may  demand different anger management books. With the resources available, there are doubtlessly anger management books written for families.

Where would a person find these anger management books? A  medical examiner or medical professional ought to be able to recommend  encouraging anger management books to interested people. A local library would be another good source for anger management books. Local bookstore and online bookstores like Amazon should be proficient in providing a list of anger management books for all ages. The  the net is a terrific source for information on anger management. Through searching and  going through the related sites, there will be recommendations for anger management books. These sites will also likely provide details about how to obtain a copy of these anger management books.

Once a person finds an anger management book that contains  encouraging  guidelines, techniques and strategies for managing anger, it would be wise to use the  guidelines in the book to make changes and work through problems with anger. Anger management books are useless sitting on a shelf collecting dust.


You can get more anger management information like information about Anger Management Courses ,or even Anger Management For Kids , visit Ras Reed’s site to be entertained with very revealing information.

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Violent Song Lyrics Found To Arouse Hostile Feelings

There are now initial scientific proofs that indeed, music and lyrics affect peoples feelings. A recently conducted research commissioned by the Texas Department of Human Services and the Iowa State University has concluded that songs with overt violent lyrics tend to increase aggression linked to emotions and thoughts of individuals. The study was first published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychologys May 2009 issue. It was contradictory to common notions that listening to violent music with angry and harsh lyrics could facilitate ventilation of emotions and positive catharsis.

The research consisted of five actual experiments with at least 500 college students as respondents. Lyrics of songs were categorized into violent and non-violent. Seven songs with angry lyrics and seven songs with non-angry lyrics from the same artists were picked for the tests. Student-respondents were provided by different psychological tests for measurement of aggressive feelings and thoughts after hearing selected music with categorized song lyrics. There also was a task that had participants categorizing or classifying specific lyrics perceived to have aggressive and non-aggressive definitions.

Control of variables was facilitated through selecting songs with aggressive and non-aggressive lyrics that were sung by the same artists. Participants were even asked to interpret arousal properties of music. To make the research more interesting, several songs with obviously humorous lyrics were included in the list to demonstrate how humor is able to interact with aggressive song lyrics in provoking aggressive thoughts among listeners.

Results unanimously showed that violent songs with violent lyrics are leading to much more aggressive and violent interpretations as compared to songs with non-violent and non-aggressive lyrics. Violent song lyrics were found to bolster feelings of hostility among participants even without presence or mentioning of direct threat or provocation. This effect was obviously not brought about by variations in music styles. It was noted that even humorous songs with violent lyrics were able to boost aggressive thoughts among respondents.

An observant noted that violent lyrics in songs increase aggressiveness in feelings and thoughts. This, according to some experts, could have direct implications for actual violence in the real world. Some even noted that aggressive thoughts prompted by violent song lyrics could effectively influence perceptions especially of social interactions.

This study was able to probe possible precursors to aggression, a deviation from common notions that aggression is brought about by aggressive behavior itself. Song lyrics have that instant and immediate effect in thoughts and feelings of people. Authors recommend further studies into the subject, because there is still a need to identify and quantify long-term and short-term effects of aggressive and violent song lyrics.

Lastly, researchers concluded that indeed violent song lyrics could contribute well to the emergence of aggressive personalities among people, leading to indirect creation of more hostile social surroundings. In other words, when it comes to songs and music, content and lyrics do really matter, especially when composers and songwriters aim to arouse specific moods and behaviors among listeners of music. Thus, parents should always monitor the kind of music heard by their children.

Tia Briggs has been reasearching a lot on the violent lyrics, this article on association of song lyrics with human mind is presented by

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Question by elaina119: How do get your anger undercontrol after a serious of events happening?
There are alot of things that are causing my anger right now, especially this week. I am running out of solutions. I know I am taking meds and seeing a psychiatrist. Here are some examples of my anger issues: I had an head injury last year and lost half of my memory when I came back to the university, Right before I came some woman backed over me and messed my knee up after two knee surgeries so my knee is always hurting, I learned that My best friend told the guy that I like (who is also a close friend) that I like him, but she said more than what she was suppose to and didn’t tell me the whole story (what I learned could of hurt people seriously), the guy that I like is telling me everything, and my sister-in-law abusing my niece ( I raised her majority of the time). I know I have alot of anger, but I feel like apart of me is messing to help control this anger. Please be serious if you give suggestions because this is a serious situtation. Thanks for listening.

Best answer:

Answer by Crystal N
I have a lot of anger control issues too over very trivial matters and usually when that happens I do something to distract my thoughts; usually read, exercise, sometimes i just take a nap. I do yoga and the most important thing is to tell people your feelings and that will make a big difference like you’re doing right now. Hop this helps.

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Road Rage*
Image by PDXdj via Flickr

“Road Rage”

“The Real Cause of Road Rage”

By Steven Montes,

Road Rage has become one of the many topics that I have seen on several TV News Channels.

It has been announced that Road Rage is now a new  type of mental disorder. It is important that we understand, as a society, just how this mental condition first evolved to such an aggressive state.  (In the hope  that this type of mental condition can be deterred or diminished greatly. )

I have discovered that Road Rage comes from the social up-bringing in our society that first starts when we enter the public, or private school systems. We learn at a very young age the basic fundamental skills which brings about these feelings.

Children five to six years of age, are unintentionally taught Road Rage in our schools when we first begin our education program. They are unaware that as they grow up they are about to become carriers for this growing type of bad behavior that has claimed the lives of so many innocent people on our streets, and highways throughout the country.

This growing phenomenon is  simple in nature. It begins when we are taught basic forms of discipline that we first learn when we are taught to stand in a long line to eat, play, fire drills, or while standing in line so a teacher can take attendance.

We were taught as children that if we raced, pushed and shoved to the head of the line that we could have the best pick of seats in a classroom, or the first to be fed when we raced to the front of the line to eat at the school cafeteria.

For some of us we can also relate to what it was like to be the last, and how most of the good food at the school cafeteria had run out. From my own personal experience, I can state that I was not affected by this type of environmental conditioning – only because I was always the one at the back of the line no matter what. So as a result I grew up to be very passive, and considerate of other people while on the road, or just standing in a long line in a grocery store, bank line, or a movie theater line in my everyday life.

I also developed a very high inclination to being patient as result of being last. I can also recall being proud of being last one in line, only because there was no pressure to be first as I had witnessed with the other children my age as they fought and pushed to be first.

I am sure we all can relate to our own experiences when we were once in school. Remember the first time someone took cuts in a long line that you were standing in as a kid, and how you witnessed the behavior of other kids objecting to this type of action.  Do you also remember the out cry, and actions of the other kids that were in protest as this kid was let in to line by friends, or other classmates, do you also recall how the person that cut in front of another kid was punished with rude comments, or maybe you witnessed a fight break out over this incident.

This type of behavior is the beginning of the environmental conditioning that leads some of us to our basic, and well developed hatred of someone cutting in front of us.

All through school we are taught this form of unacceptable behavior and it grows into a reflex type of hatred. As a result, when we are old enough to drive we tend to manifest, and draw from our deep-seated childhood experiences, as we act out this behavior. It is triggered by one of our most basic and primitive human emotions – revenge.

As part this mental condition, some children that have been exposed to small amounts of this  conditioning at an early age later grow up to act out their aggressions verbally.  they may even use  a hand signal that lets everyone around them know that they are aggravated by this type of action when cut off in traffic.

As part of this growing phenomenon, we can expect to see more of this aggressive and irrational behavior in people that have had more of an exposure to this environmental conditioning.

In some cases, we can expect the personal pushing and shoving to be replaced by  using our cars aggressively. The results can be devastating to innocent bystanders who become involved in any accident that results.

In other cases, where street gangs  hold respect, we can also expect more of a criminal behavior as some gangs act out their aggressive behavior with guns on the street when cut off in traffic, or on highways.

Having experience with identifying the core of the problem of Road Rage, I have developed an educational training program for teachers that is an effective solution to the type of environmental conditioning that results in road rage, street gangs,  and other anti-social behavior.

For more information on how I can be more effective in your community please feel free to call me at 520-749-1105, or e-mail me at

About Author: I have a love for science. Mr. Montes is a Scientist, living in Tucson, Arizona.

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Angry Penguin
Image via Wikipedia

The Lies Anger Tells Us

Anger tells us many lies. One common lie is that once we are angry, there is little we can do to stop feeling that way, we must act it out. Like a person overcome by alcohol when we become drunk with anger we feel as though it has us in its grip.

Nothing can be further from the truth. We always have a choice about how to handle the feelings that arise. One by one we will now turn around some of the lies anger tells and gain true control.

Anger Is A Choice We Make.

Believe it or not, anger is a choice we make. We feel justified in being angry, and this justification stokes the flames and keeps the problems alive. Once this justification sets in, we basically choose to hold onto our anger until we can get revenge.

Now, here is a lie anger tells frequently. It leads us to believe that revenge is sweet and once we get it, we’ll feel good and things will be in harmony. Actually the opposite happens. Revenge does not hurt the person we are angry with. Our wish for revenge, our rage, lives inside us and poisons our own lives in many ways. Dr. Deepak Chopra has said “The most common and direct cause of illness is anger.” It is toxic for us and this toxin spreads to all aspects of our body and minds.

Some of the effects of this wish for revenge include illness, high blood pressure, heart attacks, aging, lack of love, continual irritation and is the fuel for the number one illness in our nation depression. In order to choose out of anger, in order to take specific steps that will stop anger on the spot we must first truly realize the terrible toll anger takes upon us. Rather than feel we have a right to be angry, that revenge is sweet or that our anger is making us powerful and strong, we must face the fact that this anger we are harboring is destroying our own happiness, health, clarity, peace, relationships, creativity, happiness and overall well being.

The best gift you can give yourself is to let go of anger, one kind each day. Another lie anger tells is that when you are angry you are filled with power and strength. However, the rush an individual gets from anger is counterfeit, a substitute for real strength.

After the anger passes, and the consequences of the anger set in, the person usually feels weak and depleted. Often there is considerable regret for words spoken or action taken rashly. Real strength includes the ability to refuse the false rush anger brings us, to have the power to see the entire situation for what it really is and respond with clarity and compassion.

This is seldom an outcome that anger brings. It is the anger itself that keeps a person out of control. It clouds their judgments, creates enemies where friends used to be, and generally keeps the person who holds it in a prison without bars.

Another lie anger tells is that the angry person is definitely right and everyone else is wrong. A false sense of decisiveness is created. It becomes easier to take action (though the action is almost always off base). When anger subsides a person can see the larger picture and has available many ways of handling a situation that they do not have when under they are filled with rage. Suspicion and paranoia, which arise during, anger, and may well be unfounded, recede.

Real strength includes the ability to refuse the false rush anger brings us, to have the power to see the entire situation for what it really is and respond with clarity and compassion. This is seldom an outcome that anger brings. It is the anger itself that keeps a person out of control. It clouds their judgments, creates enemies where friends used to be, and generally keeps the person who holds it in a prison without bars.

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